please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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