so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
