i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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