Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
