saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
