How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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