someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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