Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
