There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
