I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
