someone owes me an orgasm
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
