Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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