I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
