Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
