I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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