Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
