I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
