a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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