she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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