I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
