the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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