No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
