He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
