she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry about my life...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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