He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
