is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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