i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
