eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
is wine microwaveable?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
