Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
