I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize