dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
