So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
