I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
