Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
