The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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