i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
