I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
