OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
they need to just BURY HIM!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize