I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
