I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
