She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
