im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
