508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
