Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize