guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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