anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
