I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
