is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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