So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
