dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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