Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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