Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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