we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
