I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
