I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
