My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
