I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
