Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
