i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
