laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
