I CAN MOONWALK!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
