some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
