u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
