why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize